How to get rid of a constant feeling of guilt: a plan for 3 weeks
Children study poorly, the husband drinks, and the neighbor complains that your dog barks too loudly. And you are sure that all this is because of you: you do not educate children, deprive your husband’s care and give little time to dog training. There are people who blame themselves for all troubles in the world. We tell you how to get rid of this feeling and become happier.
The impenetrable feeling of guilt negatively affects the emotional state. We are so accustomed to this feeling that we often blame ourselves in what is really not to blame. Most of the time you yourself cultivate guilt in your brain. You do this because of strange ideas and expectations that themselves invented.
A three -week plan that Suzan Crouss Uitborn is shared to get rid of guilt and become a best friend of himself – a professor of neurobiology at the University of Massachusetts (USA), the author of research and books.
First week: we find guilt triggers
If you learn to recognize the moment when you begin to feel guilty, then you will already half solve the problem.
1. Fix attention on the moment when the feeling of guilt only emerges
Try to understand what exactly causes him (you were not able to do the work in time, you spent a lot of money). Write down your observations in a notebook or make a note in the smartphone.
2. Observe the frequency of feeling
You blame yourself for spending too much money for lunch daily? You cannot fall asleep every evening, because you are worried about the fact that you shout at the children? Write down how often you blame
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yourself in the same things.
3. At the end of the week, determine what you regularly blame yourself for
What makes you feel guilty more than once over the past week? What exactly is upset you most?
Second week: Change the prospect
If you do not want to separate yourself from guilt and “rise” above it, try to at least push it away a little, look at it from the side and try to explain.
1. Think or say aloud what you would like to do differently
Otherwise treat work or become more practical. It is not necessary to immediately run and do something that will radically change your life, but at the moment when you start talking about it, you are already starting to change.
2. Analyze your emotions
Wine, sadness and anxiety – links of one chain. When you are upset or depressed, you begin to criticize yourself. Try to ask yourself the question: “Does it make sense that I feel guilty right now? Or I just allow emotions to control myself?”
3. Allow yourself to make mistakes
Perfectionism stimulates guilt. Admit to yourself that you are imperfect, just like your wife, mother or friend.
Third week: get rid of the little things
It is stupid to convince yourself that you will no longer blame yourself for all nonsense. However, it is useful to learn to understand when you should not make an elephant from a fly. Try not to focus on minor things.
1. Change the attitude to what is happening
You left the office too early, despite the fact that you did not have time to finish important things. Remind yourself that you left the office at this time for a reason, but because of a visit to the doctor, to which you signed up a month ago.
2. Treat your mistakes with humor
You did not have time to bake the pie and you had to buy a ready -made dessert? Say: “And how will I look into the eyes of people now?”
3. Look for positive aspects in any situation
You did not find the time to pack gifts for loved ones to the New Year? But spent a lot of time choosing these gifts.